3 things that caused my burn-out during pregnancy
Wow. That is the first word that came to thought when I dove back in all my writing and came across the first blog. I remember writing the blog with the intention to share it with the world but after writing it, it took me months to have another look at it. And then… It took me months to gain the confidence to share this with each and all of you. Because it is the cold hard truth. It is hard. It hurts. And honestly, I felt (still feel) very vulnerable sharing this. But, whoever knows me and whoever follows me on my private Instagram account knows that one day I would share my journey with you… My story… And why? To open up the conversation and break the stigma together.
When you have gone through something you can reflect that journey, understand your experience and share it with others… All to learn, grow and CNNCT. So this is what I will do: I will share stories from last year, followed by a blog with my thoughts, my reflection, my learnings. Feel free to share your experience, your stories, yours… Whatever you want to share, share it. Because this is how we not only CNNCT, but break the stigma around burnouts (during pregnancies) together.
1. Proof
All the people I had to proof wrong… From being a little girl who jumped from one school to the other, to a young professional searching her way in the work field… And even today, I do notice it requires a daily reminder to focus on myself, accepting myself, instead of searching for ways to ‘proof’ to other that I am good enough… Because I am good enough. No matter what my story is. No matter what decision I make. No matter which path I am walking.
I was looking for social proof. I wanted to be accepted by everyone, liked by everybody and above all… I wanted to be part of something. One year later, a lot of coaching sessions, endless book pages and countless words on paper made me realise that there is more where this urge came from. But let’s keep that for another time.
2. My work became my life
Never, ever, in your life let your work become your life. Not if you are a young professional, thrilled to kick of your career. Not if you are the main provider of the household. Not if you have your own business. Never.
There is a thin line between giving your 200% and crossing your limits. But it is a line to keep a close eye on. I was non-stop in contact with my job: 24/7 available for a chat, speaking with my boss on Saturday mornings, preparing the week on Sunday evenings, opening my laptop at 10PM ‘for a quick 20 minutes’ and waking up while rushing to go to the office… Every move I made was with the intention to show my worth at the workplace, and look what it brought me… It was, and it is not, the way to become successful.
I am surrounded by entrepreneurs, but all of them try to balance between work & life. One family member wakes up every day at 6AM to start downstairs in his atelier, but spends the whole Sunday riding his motor cycle together with his wife... Another family member does his admin and meets clients in the evening, but takes his wife and their two kids outside the whole Sunday… I have friends of who I honestly do not even dare to say how much hours they work throughout the week, but in the weekend they are living life like there is no tomorrow. They are all entrepreneurs, all in their own specialty, but they have one thing in common: they take a break from work.
3. Comparing my situation with others
“We were one month in full lockdown and my mental health was not in the best place anymore, but I also noticed my colleagues were experiencing the same. So, I decided to continue as usual. Pregnant or not, I would work.” Why would I continue as usual? Were my colleagues pregnant? Did my colleagues have anxiety ever since a little kid, acing to hit them? Did my colleagues experience the same life events? No, no and yet again no.
It is nice to have a talk with people who experience the same feelings as you do, it is nice to be understood and it is nice not to have the feeling that you are alone. But that’s it. It is nice, but that should not mean you take the same steps as that other person does. Your story is yours, and yours only. You can talk, share experiences, gain knowledge and learn, but after that you do you.